A Conservative View

Praying that Donald Trump can save Americas freedoms!

Humor

UNIVERSAL LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to
the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were
in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone
rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know
increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen
with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t
work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional
to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose
seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones
who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet
and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over.
The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly
legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The
aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room,
they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and
cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what
you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a
product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the
doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an
appointment, and you’ll stay sick.
————————————————————————–

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked.. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied ‘You’d never get it all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care. ———————————–

And, my favorite is: LOL
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of
thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, ‘Well……she’s
there.’

 

 
 
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